Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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