I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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