Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
You know, be my cock's hype man.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Randomize
