help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
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