she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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