Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Randomize
