I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Randomize
