walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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