I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
In America we eat man semen.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
