I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
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