he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
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