where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Randomize
