took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
