he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
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