jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
