6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Randomize
