I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize
