he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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