I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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