Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Randomize
