If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
