What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
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