I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
