Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
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