I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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