i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
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