I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize