Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize
