I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize