dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Randomize
