kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Enjoy the penises
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
