You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
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