Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
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