She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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