the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
