Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Randomize
