So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize