If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
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