dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
