that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Randomize