worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Randomize
