Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Randomize
