My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
