we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
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