We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize