I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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