So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
Randomize
