it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
Randomize
