dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Randomize
