I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
I think my vagina is haunted
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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