He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Randomize
