They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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