I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
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