I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
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