Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Randomize
