i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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