eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Randomize