make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Randomize
