But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
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