just tell him i said nine months
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize