Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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