"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
