Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
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