lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
