My sheets look like a crime scene.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
you're hired as official boob wrangler
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Randomize
