I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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