Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
it's like iHOP with fire
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
