eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
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