it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
