Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
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