I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Vodka?
Forever.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
