dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
I want to make a zoo with you.
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Randomize
