see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
